Somewhere In Between
by Peppermint Stick
Summary: They were friends with benefits but somewhere along the line feelings got involved, now they're screwed, but somehow they have to make it work, because Austin is Tristan's best friend, so Rory can't break his heart, and not being together isn't an option
1. Breathing

A/N: So, I was going through the Gilmore Girls site on ff.net, and you know what I noticed? We have a serious lack of trory. Practically ALL the new stuff is lit! And I'm not much of a lit fan myself (I prefer them as friends) I'm going to start a new trory, and work on my other stories more for my fellow dying trory fans. Sadness, and oh yeah, I don't own Gilmore Girls or 'Breathing' by Lifehouse.   
  
Rory is an elitist, she lives in Hartford....and I think that's pretty much all you need to know.   
  
"So, I was talking to Tristan today," Summer said at lunch, smiling, "And I think he might ask me to go to Austin's party with him."  
  
"Why the hell would Tristan Dugrey ask you to a party?" Paris asked.  
  
Summer narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to give a venomous reply, but Rory interrupted, "Why can't you two just get along?"   
  
"Maybe because she's a shrew?" Summer said, looking at Paris.  
  
"Maybe because she's a slut?" Paris replied.  
  
"Okay, that's not nice."  
  
"Sorry." both said, insincerely.  
  
"Alrighty then, why don't we just agree on something?" Louise said, "You're both bitches. Good?" the other two rolled their eyes.  
  
"Anyway," Summer continued, "I was talking to Tristan today and I asked him if he had a date for Austin's party. He said no and that he was thinking of asking this one girl, but didn't know what she'd say."  
  
"So why do you think he was going to ask you?" Paris asked.  
  
"Because, why would he have said that to me if I'm not the one he planned on asking?"   
  
Paris looked at Rory skeptically, who shrugged, "I dunno."  
  
"I mean, I think he likes me, and he doesn't have a girlfriend, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"So, I might have a chance, maybe?"  
  
Rory nodded, "Maybe." she sat back in her seat as her two best friends kept arguing. Rory looked over at Tristan, across the lunch room. And, as if he felt her gaze, he looked up and smiled upon meeting her eyes. She smiled back and looked down.  
  
She didn't think Tristan would ask Summer to Austin's party, it was true that he didn't have a girlfriend, but he wasn't exactly 'on the market', so to speak.   
  
_____________________________________  
  
I'm finding my way back to sanity again  
  
Though I don't really know what  
  
I am gonna do when I get there  
  
Take a breath and hold on tight  
  
Spin around one more time  
  
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace  
  
_____________________________________  
  
Rory looked in the mirror, sighing. She shook her head and ran her right hand over her face. Pulling her hair back into a pony tail and tilted her head as she glanced at her locked door, a small frown crossing her face, something was wrong, she figured, as she looked around her room, but she just couldn't figure out what. She jumped slightly as there was a knock on her balcony door. For some reason, her hand shook as she opened the door. It wasn't like she didn't know who would be on the other side.   
  
The door opened slowly and she smiled, "Tristan."  
  
"Hey." Rory opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as his lips crushed onto hers.  
  
________________________________________  
  
I am hanging on every word you say  
  
And even if you don't want to speak tonight  
  
That's alright, alright with me  
  
'Cause I want nothing more than to   
  
Sit outside Heaven's door  
  
And listen to you breathing  
  
Is where I want to be  
  
________________________________________  
  
She broke away, smiling, "Hi."  
  
He smirked, "Hi."  
  
Rory wrapped her arms around his neck, "I was wondering when   
  
you were coming over."  
  
"I'm sure you were."  
  
She nodded, "I was."  
  
"Really now?"  
  
"Really really."  
  
"Well, I'm here now-"  
  
"Good job captain."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She smiled, "No problem." he leaned in, but before he could kiss her, she stopped him, "Wait, do you like Summer?"  
  
"No..." he trailed off, "Why?"  
  
"Because she thinks you're going to ask her to Austin's party."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No, I'm lying."  
  
"Well, I hadn't planned on it..."  
  
  
  
"She really likes you."  
  
"Does she?"  
  
  
  
"Mm hm."  
  
"Well, that's too bad, because I think I like someone else."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"I'll tell you later."  
  
"Or you could tell me now."  
  
Tristan shook his head, "Anyway, see, now that I'm here," he traced his fingers slowly over the hem of her white tank top, "This has to go."  
  
She laughed, "Well, we don't always get what we want now do we?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Mm hm." he smiled, leaning down, and kissed her again, backing her into the bed and pulling the shirt over her head.  
  
___________________________  
  
I am looking past the shadows   
  
Of my mind into the truth and  
  
I'm trying to identify   
  
The voices in my head  
  
God which one's you  
  
___________________________   
  
Tristan looked down at the girl, sleeping silently in his arms. For months they'd been like this. They were friends, and he used the term loosely, with benefits. They weren't even really friends at school, just part of the same social group. He wasn't sure what he felt for her. For the past few months, one would go over to the other's house, on the balcony, never the front door, and they would pretty much do whatever they wanted, considering both of their parent's rooms were on different floors of their houses. It was every seventeen year old boy's dream, sex, with no strings attached. No fear of rejection. No messy break ups, no feelings.  
  
But lately, he'd started developing feelings. It was strange because, his whole life, Rory Hayden had always been there, just another socialite, she was just 'the Hayden girl'. No different than Paris Gellar or Madeline Lynn. She was just, there. Up until their Sophomore year. They'd been at a party. That was the first time they'd slept together, and Tristan was pretty sure he'd taken her virginity that night, although she'd never tell him.  
  
But he'd noticed something different, he'd always been able to please girls, and it had never really mattered to him before, but he noticed, with Rory, it mattered and he felt pride swell in him every time he heard her scream, something that had shocked him. He saw the way dark hair shielded her face and he sighed longingly. He didn't love her, not yet anyway. He didn't doubt that he could eventually, but at the moment, he didn't.  
  
________________________________________  
  
Let me feel one more time  
  
What it feels like to feel  
  
And break the calluses off me  
  
One more time  
  
I am hanging on every word you say  
  
And even if you don't want to speak tonight  
  
That's alright, alright with me  
  
Cause I want nothing more than to   
  
Sit outside your door   
  
And listen to you breathing  
  
Is where I want to be  
  
________________________________________  
  
Tristan closed his eyes and kissed her neck gently, their relationship was 'un-named' but even though he'd never tell her, she was the only one he'd been with in the last three months. It was weird, what he was feeling. When this had first started, they'd made it clear that they weren't tied down to eachother and could date other people. He'd slept with girls while having a girlfriend. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it had happened. And even though she wasn't even his girlfriend, Tristan felt drawn to Rory Hayden, and he felt as if he owed it to her not to be unfaithful, even though there was nothing to be unfaithful about. And he was almost positive she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but he couldn't be sure.  
  
Rory snuggled closer to him, it wasn't like she fit differently than any other girl, he'd been with girls that fit exactly like she did, but something about her was different. Maybe it was the way she didn't just come to him. She'd made him come to her as well. That was really what had made him see her differently than the rest of his childhood 'clique' it was what made her stand out. When they had gotten into high school, she didn't try to seduce him like a lot of her friends had, in fact, she'd just had to flirt slightly, and he would respond. He realized now, that in the beginning, she was nothing special, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why it had to have been her.  
  
__________________________  
  
I don't want a thing from you   
  
Bet you're tired of me waiting  
  
For the scraps to fall   
  
Off of your table to the ground  
  
I just want to be here now  
  
__________________________  
  
Tristan looked at her innocent face, but he was sure he was one of the few, if not the only one, that knew she wasn't as innocent as she looked. He rolled over and looked at the clock, sighing. 4:00. Her dad would wake up in a few hours for work. Tristan silently got out of Rory's bed and pulled on his clothes, kissed her on the forehead, and exited through the balcony, locking it.  
  
_____________________________________  
  
I am hanging on every word you say  
  
And even if you don't want to speak tonight  
  
That's alright, alright with me  
  
Cause I want nothing more than to  
  
Sit outside heaven's door and   
  
Listen to you breathing  
  
Is where I want to be  
  
_____________________________________ 


	2. Crash and Burn

____________________________________________  
  
When you feel all alone  
  
And the world has turned it's back on you  
  
Give me a moment please  
  
To tame your wild wild heart  
  
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
  
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold  
  
When darkness is upon your door   
  
And you feel like you can't take anymore  
  
_____________________________________________  
  
"So, you know what? I've been thinking."  
  
"God save us." Tristan laughed as his mom hit him in the back of the head lightly.  
  
"Hush child of mine. This involves you."  
  
"Dear god."  
  
"I'm warning you.  
  
"What will you do?"  
  
"You have no idea."  
  
"That's why I asked." Tristan smirked when she could think of nothing to say.  
  
"You know Katherine, he has a point." Caleb Dugrey said, earning a glare from his wife and a smile from his son.  
  
"Be quiet Caleb, I'm trying to have a conversation with our son."  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Lies. Anyway, my son, question."  
  
"Answer."  
  
"You know Rory Hayden, right?"  
  
"Only for eleven years."  
  
"Funny."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So...another question."  
  
"I might have another answer."  
  
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"  
  
"Mother, please don't."  
  
"Why not?! Don't you like Rory?"  
  
"Sure I like her, I just don't really know her that well." that was his first lie of the day.  
  
"But why don't you get to know her? Her mother is one of my best friends, and Rory is such a nice girl. Haven't you ever considered asking her out?"  
  
"Not really." lie number two.  
  
"It's just, she's so mature and fun, why don't you like her?"  
  
"I do, I just don't think she's really my type."  
  
"You have a type?"  
  
"Not really, but mom, why do you care about my love life so much?"  
  
"Because, I think you and Rory would go great together."  
  
"I really don't think Rory and I would go well together."   
  
"Whyyy?" she asked in a whiny voice, jumping around him in a circle.  
  
"Because I don't really like her in that way." and there it was, the biggest lie he'd ever told his mother.  
  
"Why not?!"  
  
"Because. She's..." he trailed off, waving his hand in circles,   
  
"Rory."  
  
Katherine nodded sarcastically, "Why, thank you for that wonderful observation, captain!"  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
She groaned and jumped on the couch, "I think you liiiiike her!"  
  
"I don't like her."  
  
"I think you looooove her!"  
  
"I don't love her."  
  
"I think you want to kiiiiiss her!"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Oh, don't lie! We know the truth. We read you diary that you kept until fifth grade. You talk about girls and Rory Hayden was mentioned a few times." she said, smiling devilishly.  
  
"One: that was a JOURNAL. How many times do I have to tell you?"  
  
"Apparently one more."  
  
"And, I talked about every girl I knew in that thing. Why do you like Rory so much?"  
  
"I refuse to answer that question, besides, I have to go. I'm meeting Lorelai for coffee in Stars Hollow."  
  
"That little town half an hour away?" Caleb asked.  
  
"No, honey. The one in the wall. Didn't you ever go there? It's just in the dinning room."  
  
He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and I played with the purple pandas and everything."  
  
"You did?! They wouldn't come out and talk to me last time!" Katherine sat on the floor and crossed her arms, pouting. Tristan looked between his parents, smiling. They were only thirty three and thirty four. Like Lorelai, Katherine had gotten pregnant at sixteen, and the two girls had also been best friends their whole lives, while Chris and Caleb had as well. Needless to say, they'd always wondered why Tristan and Rory weren't good friends, or dating.   
  
"Kat, could you please get off the floor?"  
  
"No!" she said stubbornly, pulling her long blonde hair into a pony tail.  
  
Caleb crouched in front of his wife, as if talking to a four year old,   
  
"Sweetie, could you please get up off the floor?"   
  
She looked him right in the eye, lips pursed, and leaned forward until their noses touched. She just sat there for over a minuet, neither moved, and Tristan looked at the display, smirking at his insane mother. "You can never take me alive."   
  
Caleb raised his eyebrows mockingly, "I can't?" she shook her head exageratedly. He sighed and slid his right arm under her knees, his left arm on her back, and picked her up. She squealed and clung to his neck. Caleb walked outside and put her in her car, closed the door, and walked back inside, to his smirking son.  
  
Tristan nodded, "Nicely done."  
  
"Thank you." they heard the car start and she honked loudly before driving away. "It's the only way to do it." Tristan laughed. "And Lorelai Hayden is just like her. So is Rory." he added as an after thought.  
  
________________________________________  
  
Let me be the one you call  
  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
  
If you need to fall apart  
  
I can mend a broken heart  
  
If you need to crash   
  
Then crash and burn you're not alone  
  
________________________________________  
  
"Really?" Tristan asked, not liking where this was going. True, he was close to his parents, and told them things, but his father could get stuff out of him, things him mom couldn't.  
  
"You weren't being completely honest, were you?"  
  
"Honest about what?"  
  
Caleb ignored the question, "Rory has a nice car, doesn't she?"  
  
Tristan's stomach plunged, "Um, I guess so."  
  
"What kind is it again?"  
  
"I don't remember."  
  
"Ah," his dad looked him in the eye, "You know, I do like Rory too." Tristan nodded, "It would be nice if you brought her around more." Tristan's eyes were wide and he nodded, incapable of speaking. "I don't disapprove, Tristan. Your mother and I started out similarly. Just don't tell her I told you, all right?" Tristan nodded, relaxing. "Tristan, if you're worried about asking her out because you're unsure what she'll say. I'm just going to tell you, I've seen you together at the country club dinners, and I've seen her look at you. It's the same way you look at her." he could think of nothing to say, so stood in silence. "Well, I have to go to the office, I'll be home around eight. Bye . I love you."  
  
"You too." Tristan said, in a trance. He sat in silence until his dad left, then snapped out of it. What was today? Wednesday? Oh yeah. School. He looked at the clock, 7:10. "Great." he said to the empty house, he was going to be late.  
  
___________________________________  
  
When you feel alone   
  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
  
You're caught in a one way street  
  
With the monsters in your head  
  
When hopes and dreams are far away  
  
And you feel like you can't face the day  
  
___________________________________  
  
Tristan walked into homeroom just as the bell rang. He glanced at Rory, who was talking animatedly to Summer an Louise, who were laughing. He closed his eyes and shook his head, not wanting a migraine so early. The class started and Tristan's head fell on the desk, it was going to be a long day.  
  
After second period, Tristan was walking through the crowded hall when Rory passed him. She was talking into her cell phone and she looked scared. "Yeah. Are you sure? Okay, I'll be right there." she hung up and Tristan grabbed her elbow, spinning her around.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She looked surprised and blinked rapidly, "Yeah, I'm fine, but I have to go. I'll see you later Tristan." he watched her walk out the main entrance. He looked around for Summer or Louise, or maybe Paris. One of them would know what was wrong.   
  
At lunch Tristan was sitting with Austin, Todd, Jacob, and Kurt, when his cell rang.   
  
"Ooh! Dugrey has his phone on in school hours and on school grounds!" Jacob said, smirking.  
  
Tristan rolled his eyes, smiling, "Ooh! Thompson fucked Summer Thorton in school hours and on school grounds!"  
  
"Enough said."  
  
"Yeah." Tristan rolled his eyes and answered the phone, "Hello? Hey. Wait, slow down. Are you okay? Hartford Memorial? Okay, I'll be right there."  
  
"Who was that?" Todd asked after he hung up.  
  
"One of my friends. I gotta go. I'll see you guys tomorrow." and with that, he stood up and walked from the cafeteria quickly. The four boys just looked at each other in confusion.  
  
________________________________________  
  
Let me be the one you call  
  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
  
If you need to fall apart  
  
I can mend a broken heart  
  
If you need to crash  
  
Then crash and burn you're not alone  
  
________________________________________  
  
Rory paced back and forth in the ER wing of the Hartford Memorial Hospital. The tie and blazer from Chilton shed over one of the uncomfortable straight backed chairs. A coffee maker was releasing an overpowering aroma of coffee, but at the moment she really didn't want it. Her mother was sitting in one of the chairs, silent tears streaming over her face. The sobs had ended half an hour ago, and she was silent, but Rory had decided she couldn't sit still any longer. Emily Gilmore had arrived within minuets of her daughter calling, and Richard had arrived an hour ago. Straub and Francine had arrived minuets before Richard.   
  
They'd all tried to comfort Rory, but for some reason she didn't want any of them to touch her. All the women's faces were tear stained, and the men's eyes were full of grief, but not Rory. Her face was void of emotion. She just felt numb. Her eyes scanned the room. Her grandparents and mother were in a cluster. There was a young woman with a small child in her arms. A man close to her age walked over and sat beside her, burying his face in his hands. She guessed they were between twenty three and twenty six. And the little boy was probably about two. An older woman sat with a middle-aged woman and a young teenage boy, he was probably about fourteen, and by the looks of it he couldn't sit still either. She momentarily considered walking over and talking to him, but dismissed it. She turned and walked out the door, into the October air. She leaned against the wall, eyes closed, trying to stop the tears from filling her eyes. Someone called her name softly and her eyes opened.   
  
________________________________________  
  
Because there has always been heartache and pain  
  
And when it's over you'll breathe again  
  
You'll breathe again  
  
When you feel all alone  
  
And the world has turned it's back on you  
  
Give me a moment please  
  
To tame your wild wild heart  
  
________________________________________   
  
Tristan was standing a few feet away from her. She walked into his open arms, clutching his shirt tightly. Her tears soaked through the blue material. Her rocked her back and forth gently, holding her tightly. After a few minuets, she pulled away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I am so sorry. I just-I didn't know who else to call-"   
  
"Shh," he whispered, silencing her, "It's okay. What happened?"  
  
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat, "My dad-he got in an accident on his way to work." she whispered, "Th-they don't know how bad his condition is yet. I'm so scared, Tristan." tears filled her eyes again and Tristan pulled her tighter to him, kissing the top of her head as she cried into him. And looking at them in that moment, you could almost believe they were in love.   
  
________________________________________  
  
Let me be the one you call  
  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
  
If you need to fall apart   
  
I can mend a broken heart   
  
If you need to crash  
  
Then crash and burn you're not alone  
  
________________________________________  
  
A/N: I don't own Gilmore Girls or 'Crash and Burn' by Savage Garden. 


	3. Razorblades

___________________________  
  
Walking example of you  
  
Just wait for the silence  
  
Talking backwards to you  
  
It meant nothing to me  
  
___________________________  
  
Rory sat in her car, outside school on Monday morning, breathing deeply. When she'd called Tristan on Friday, she hadn't been sure that he'd come. He had to leave after a few hours, he'd kissed her goodbye, but it left her confused. What were they now? Obviously more than just 'school mates', but they'd always been more than that. Were they still 'friends with benefits'? They hadn't talked all weekend, and that was most surprising of all. Normally, they would have both gone to Austin's party, and wound up ditching both of their dates, but he hadn't even gone, according to Summer. She ran her hands over her face, sighing, this was so much more complicated than it should have been. Rory pushed her door open and let out a groan, it was as if she was walking the green mile.   
  
She walked through the main doors, looking around. She spotted Tristan on the way to her locker. She knew he saw her, but didn't acknowledge her. So, they were back to square one. Not even noticing eachother in public, and when they did, they were rude. It was just a habit. In the beginning, they'd been mean on public so that no one would suspect anything, but now, it was just the way they were. How could they be so close behind closed doors, but so cruel in public? Two months ago, if you told her that she would call Tristan in a time of need, she would have laughed in your face. But now...her life was so fucked up she didn't know the difference between left and right anymore. There was just something about him that made it impossible for her to see straight when she was with him. But when they were apart, she wanted gouge out his eyes with her fingernails. Lovely image, really. And the way he flirted in plain view of her, sometimes she thought he just did it to spite her, almost daring her to do something in public. But she had control, as did he, and they weren't stupid enough to act on feelings of jealousy, no matter how much one baited the other, not in front of everyone.  
  
_______________________________  
  
Watching the world fall on you  
  
I'm keeping my eyes closed  
  
Now I can see what this means to you  
  
It meant nothing to me  
  
________________________________   
  
She slammed open her locker, suddenly very pissed off at him. He had some nerve. To put her through so many emotions, and then he actually showed up on Friday, but hadn't talked to her since. Louise appeared suddenly and touched her arm, "Hey."  
  
Rory jumped, surprised at the contact and at the voice. She turned and smiled upon seeing Louise, "Hey."  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
Rory shrugged, "Okay, I guess."  
  
"How's your dad?"  
  
"There's no permanent damage. He'll be home in a few days."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Thanks for asking."  
  
Louise nodded, "Hmm...." she trailed off, looking Rory up and down.   
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
"You don't look okay."  
  
She sighed, "I don't?"  
  
  
  
"Nope."  
  
"What do you think is wrong with me?"  
  
Louise shrugged, "I dunno. All I know is that you most definitely aren't alright. Want to talk?"  
  
"You're insane, you know that, Louise?"  
  
  
  
"So I've heard." she smiled, "Call me if you need anything, but I have to go. So I'll see you in homeroom." she walked away, leaving a smiling Rory.  
  
________________________________  
  
This wasted so many nights and again  
  
I've wasted so much time on a friend  
  
Too young, too proud to understand  
  
So this is the end  
  
________________________________  
  
Tristan's stomach clenched as Rory walked up, and then dropped as she passed him without even a glance his way. His teeth ground together and he leaned against the locker he had been standing beside, smiling slyly at the girl in front of him. Rory had some nerve. To call him and cry on him, and then just ignore him. Well, two could play at that game. Whenever he got mad, or frustrated from Rory, he would do this, try to make her jealous, and he knew it worked. He could see her anger build whenever he flirted in front of her. But in his defense, she did the same. Flirting. Seduction. Jealousy. It was all a day in the life of Tristan Dugrey. Flirting to make her jealous. Seducing girls to piss her off. Jealousy for the guys that made her laugh. Their relationship. That's what it was. But this was different. The girl he was flirting with was different. She'd fall, and it would break Rory to see him play her. It was one of the people his lovely Mary cared for most. Summer. This would be hilarious.   
  
___________________________  
  
Perfect timing for you  
  
You'll run 'till your legs break  
  
So here's my reminder of you  
  
It meant nothing to me  
  
___________________________  
  
Rory sat with her head back, and her eyes closed. Her mom was at the hospital and all of the hired help had gone home an hour ago, so she was home alone. The phone started ringing, and she just sat, wondering why no one was getting it until she realized that she was the only one there. She reached over and grabbed it off of the receiver, "Hello?"  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Yes.." she trailed off, unsure of who it was.  
  
He answered her silent question. "It's Austin."  
  
"Ohhh. Hey."  
  
"Hey. So, how's it going?"  
  
She had to hide her laughter at his failed attempt for casual conversation, "Um, good. You?"  
  
"Good. Actually, I had a question."  
  
"Well I just might have an answer."  
  
"I was just wondering, you aren't going out with anyone, are you?"  
  
She thought about Tristan for a split second, and of how cold he'd been. "Nope."  
  
"Oh. That's cool."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You know, I'm single too."  
  
"Imagine that."   
  
"And I was wondering, would you maybe want to go out with me on Saturday night?" she was shocked silent, and could think of nothing to say. After a few minutes she heard him speak, "Rory? You still there?"  
  
"Um, yeah, sorry. Uh...I'm not sure. I'll have to check my calendar, but I'll tell you tomorrow."  
  
"Can't you check it now?"  
  
"It's buried in my room, I'm not sure where it is."  
  
"Oh. Okay, well, tell me tomorrow, right?"  
  
She nodded, even though he couldn't see her, "Yeah. Definitely."  
  
"Alright. Wow, that's a relief."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, I've liked you for two years."  
  
She was shocked, "You have?"  
  
"Yeah." he laughed.  
  
"Wow. Really?"  
  
"Yes really."  
  
"Okay, well, I have to go, but I'll talk to you tomorrow."   
  
"Okay." he sounded slightly disappointed, "Bye.".  
  
"Bye." she laid the phone back in it's cradle, staring at it in shock. She jumped up off the couch and grabbed her car keys, slamming the door on her way out.   
  
_____________________________  
  
This wasted so much time and again  
  
I've wasted so much time on a friend  
  
Too young, too proud to understand  
  
So this is the end  
  
_____________________________  
  
Rory parked near Tristan's driveway, but not quite in it. She ran around to the back. The light in his room was off, but his car was in the garage. She walked around the property, wondering where he might be. She heard music coming from the shed and walked slowly over, pushing the door open. The seat of a large four-wheeler was pushed up, exposing everything inside. Tristan was leaning over it, his hands inside. If he looked up, she would have been standing directly in front of him, fifteen feet away, but because of the blasting music, he hadn't even heard the door open. She took a moment to look him over.   
  
He had on a white wife beater, and sweat was glistening on his muscular arms. The shirt clung to him, revealing his perfect abs and six pack. The old jeans he was wearing were smeared with oil and grease. She bit her lip, seeing the sweat glinting on his face as he stared at the machine intently, obviously knowing what he was doing.   
  
Rory blinked, coming out of her trance and walked over slowly, pushing the stop button on the stereo. Tristan's head snapped around, but he relaxed at recognizing her, and then tensed at realizing who she was. He turned back to his work and continued, silently telling her that she was welcome to talk, but would have to initiate conversation. Her hands seemed to wring on their own as she walked over and sat across from him, on another, smaller four-wheeler. Both knew that something had gone wrong. They'd prepared for this type of thing. If they got mad at eachother, this wasn't supposed to happen. They were just supposed to stop, just let it go. No feelings, that had been the agreement.  
  
________________________________  
  
We should have seen this coming  
  
We should have seen this  
  
This wasted so many nights and again  
  
I've wasted so much time on a friend  
  
Too young, too proud to understand  
  
So this is the end  
  
_________________________________  
  
"Why are you doing that?"  
  
He looked up, surprised, "What?"  
  
"Why are you fixing that yourself when you can just pay someone to do it."  
  
"Why make someone else fix it when I can myself? I do know what I'm doing. I'm not completely dependent on others. I can do things for myself." she nodded and they sat in silence for ten minutes until Tristan finally asked not looking up, "What are you doing here, Rory?"   
  
She leaned back, taking a deep breath, "Um, well, I-I needed to talk to you-" she said, stuttering nervously. "And see-um, the thing is- I, well, he just, um, god, how do I say this?" she asked herself aloud. It wasn't like her to stutter. It wasn't like her to be nervous around Tristan, either. He kept working, she knew he was listening, but he didn't look up. "Well, see-" she closed her eyes and sighed before yelling, "Tristan, stop!" he stopped, but didn't glance up. Rory's forehead rested in her hand, "Please just look up at me."   
  
His head rose, but there was no feeling in his eyes, "Rory, seriously, what are you doing here?"  
  
She blew out a long breath, "I have to talk to you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, actually, I need to tell you something."  
  
"So tell me."  
  
"And I need to ask a question."  
  
"Ask away." he wiped off his hands keeping his eyes on her.  
  
"What are we?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, I mean, what's our relationship? Are we just familiar with eachother, are we friends, friends with benefits, dating, boyfriend and girlfriend, or just..." she trailed off, "playmates?"  
  
"Obviously we're not just familiar with eachother, considering the extent of our 'relationship'," he said the word mockingly, and she flinched. It was obvious he'd thrown up his walls, he was blocking her out, playing the heartless socialite card. "I wouldn't consider us friends, which would also rule out friends with benefits. We're obviously not dating, and you're not my girlfriend. So that leaves..." he didn't say it, watching different emotions fight for control of her face.   
  
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat, "Oh." her voice was high, hardly a squeak.  
  
"So that's why you came here?" he asked, trying to convince himself that he didn't care if his words were hurting her. "To find out what we are?"   
  
She bit her lip, "Well, um," she looked away, and her voice returned to normal, "Austin asked me out." Silence. For five minutes he didn't move, and showed no emotion. She looked back at him, and their eyes met, "Well?" she asked finally, wondering what he was thinking.  
  
"What?" he shook his head, showing that he had no opinion on the problem.  
  
"It doesn't bother you?" he cocked his head to the side. "I mean, you're okay with it?" she asked.  
  
"Why wouldn't I be okay with it?" he asked, forcing his voice to stay steady.  
  
"Um, no reason. I was just wondering."  
  
"Why would you think I wasn't okay with it?"  
  
Rory finally stood up, running her hands through her hair, "I don't know. God, I don't even know why I came here. Why would you care?! You said it yourself, we're just fucking buddies. It's not like you would care." she strode to the door and put her hand on the knob.  
  
She opened the door, but before she left, she heard him say, "Goodnight, Rory."   
  
She twisted on her heel to see Tristan hunched back over his work. "Excuse me?" she hissed.  
  
"I said goodnight." he still didn't look up.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
He looked up, "Exactly what it sound like. I'll see you later."  
  
"No you won't." she whispered. "Tristan, I'm walking out this door. Don't expect me to walk back through." she looked into his eyes and saw that was fighting between walking up to her and yelling at her. "Goodbye, Tristan." she whispered, leaving and closing the door behind her.   
  
Tristan stood there, the silence deafening. He hadn't thought she'd really leave. He'd pissed her off before, but never this bad. He took one step forward, wanting, no, needing to run after her, but his pride wouldn't let him move again.   
  
Rory stood outside the shed for a few minutes, gathering her wits and breathing heavily, trying to figure out what had just happened. She walked slowly to her car and sank into the seat, resting her head on the steering wheel. He didn't come. Tears filled her eyes slowly and she expelled a large breath, realizing that Tristan had practically just told her that all she was to him was a good fuck. She bit her lip to stop the tears and started the car, pulling out of his driveway, forcing herself not to look back.  
  
Tristan closed his eyes and let out a frustrated cry. He threw his wrench against the wall as he heard her engine start and she drove away. He sank to the floor, his head in his hands.  
  
_______________________________  
  
This wasted so many nights and again  
  
I've wasted so much time on a friend  
  
Too young, too proud to understand  
  
So this is the end  
  
Yeah, this is the end  
  
_______________________________   
  
A/N: I don't own 'Razorblades' by Story of the year. The song in my first chapter was 'Breathing' by Lifehouse. 


	4. Through With You

Tristan stared at them in the hall, jealous as hell. But then again, he'd done it to himself. Rory stood, smiling at Austin in that way she'd used to smile at him. It wasn't fair. None of this was. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to be friends with benefits for a few weeks, and then he would ask her out, and they would go from there. But that hadn't happened. Austin had gotten in the way. Rory didn't like him. At least, Tristan hadn't thought she'd liked him, not until that night almost two weeks ago. Now he wasn't sure what the hell he believed anymore. He'd thought they had something. But in Rory's own words, they'd just been fucking buddies. Then again, weren't those practically his words?   
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
Can you see me  
  
Floating above your head  
  
As you lay in bed  
  
Thinking about everything  
  
That you did not do  
  
Cause saying I love you  
  
Has nothing to do with meaning it  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
  
  
Rory looked over Austin's shoulder and her eyes fell on Tristan. He held her gaze...trying to convince himself that he saw something there. Longing, or pain. And he could have sworn he almost saw it, until Summer walked up, "Hey." her voice cut into his mind, drawing them out of the spell.   
  
He looked at her, "Oh. Hey."  
  
"So, are we still on for tonight?"   
  
"Yeah. Yeah, tonight. We are." he was obviously unsure what she was talking about.  
  
She looked around, "Um, dinner. Remember?"  
  
"Oh! Yeah, dinner, yeah, of course I remember." he said, the memory of asking her out finally dawning on him, "I'll pick you up at seven, right?" he looked back up, but Rory had turned back to Austin, her eyes cold.   
  
Summer laughed, bringing Tristan's mind back to her, "Yeah. That's the time we planned on."  
  
"Yeah. Right, good."  
  
Summer looked over her shoulder to the place where he'd been looking, "Can you believe that Rory and Austin got together?"  
  
"No, not really." he said, thankful for the excuse to look back up at Rory.  
  
"I mean, I never would have seen it coming." she obviously had no idea what Tristan had been thinking about, something he was quite thankful for.  
  
"I know what you mean."  
  
"They're just so different. I mean, Austin has a different girl every week. He's constantly partying, and doesn't have relationships. Rory's just not like that. She's the type of person who would never have a one night stand. She just isn't like that. She wants a relationship. She wants commitment."  
  
Tristan mentally rolled his eyes. She obviously did not know her friend that well, "Well, opposites do attract."  
  
She turned back and smiled up at him, "Yes, they do."  
  
He nodded, "So, seven."  
  
"Yeah. I'll see you then?"   
  
"Yes. Yes you will."  
  
"Good. Okay, well, I have to get to class."  
  
"Right. Class. That's why we're in school."  
  
"Yes, it is," she pursed her lips thoughtfully, "Um, are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, just kind of out of it. I was up all night studying." that wasn't exactly a lie. He had been studying, but it had been more along the lines of pulling at his mind to remember everything he knew about Lorelai Leigh Hayden, he hadn't exactly been thinking about her best friend at the time.  
  
"Oh. Well, if you aren't up for tonight-"  
  
"No, I'm all for it. I'll be awake by seven, trust me."  
  
She beamed, "Good. So, I'll see you at seven?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay, bye." she kissed him on the cheek before walking away.  
  
"Bye." he said after he came out of shock, but Summer was already gone. He looked back up at Rory who sighed and stared back sadly until Louise walked up and grabbed her attention, leaving Tristan to take a deep breath to try and mute his longing.  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
And I don't trust you  
  
Cause every time you're here  
  
Your intentions are unclear  
  
I spend every hour   
  
Waiting for a phone call  
  
That I know will never come  
  
I used to think you were the one  
  
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
TRISTAN'S, THAT NIGHT  
  
Tristan sighed, grabbing his car keys out of the dish on his dresser. There was a small smiley face drawn in the bottom corner of the mirror that Rory had drawn a month ago. He shook his head and walked down the stairs, opening the front door to jump back, seeing Austin standing there.  
  
Austin looked up, "Hey."  
  
"Hey..." Tristan trailed off, looking around outside, "Um, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, Summer didn't tell you?" he asked upon seeing how confused his friend was.  
  
"Didn't tell me what?"  
  
"The girls decided we should double date."  
  
Tristan's eyes widened, "Did they?"  
  
"Yeah. But I mean, if you just want to hang out with Summer that's cool, I mean, I'm sure Rory's won't mind and it's fine with me-"  
  
"No, Austin. It's alright. We can try a double date."  
  
"Okay, so, we're supposed to pick the girls up at Rory's."  
  
"Let's go." Tristan walked to his car, Austin following. When they got in the car, Austin turned on the CD player to see what was in. His eyes widened upon seeing a Go-Go's cd. He turned to Tristan, who looked from the road to smile, "It's my fifteen year old cousin's. You've met Alicia, right?" he asked, thinking that it wouldn't be a very good idea to tell Rory's boyfriend that she'd left her CD in his car.  
  
"Oh yeah, but I didn't think she was into this kind of music."  
  
"I think one of her friends gave it to her a few weeks ago."  
  
"Oh." was all he said, turning on the radio, which was the only sound until they pulled into the Hayden's driveway fifteen minutes later.   
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
You ain't never coming back to me  
  
That's not how things were supposed to be  
  
You take my hand just to give it back  
  
No other lover has every donr that  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
Austin got out to knock on the door. Lorelai opened it, waving to Tristan. She said something to Austin and then closed the door. Tristan tilted his head, and the other boy beckoned to him.   
  
He got out and closed the door, "What? Where are they?"  
  
"Come on." Tristan followed him through a gate to the back yard and a tree house. They saw a light inside and climbed the ladder to meet the sight of the girls, laying on their backs in their floor length dresses. There were candles in the corners, and they were looking at the ceiling, talking.  
  
"See anything up there?" Austin asked. Rory sat up and scowled at Tristan, but smiled at her boyfriend before kissing him lightly. The situation made Tristan want to cringe.   
  
"Nope. You?"  
  
He looked at the ceiling, "Nah."  
  
Summer sat up, "Hey Tris."  
  
"Hey." he crawled over and sat beside her. His eyes met Rory's and she looked away, not wanting to remember what had gone on in this space only months ago.  
  
"What's that?" Austin asked, looking at some writing on the far wall.   
  
  
  
He moved to read it, but Rory grabbed his hand, "It's nothing." she said, holding him back. The situation actually amused Tristan, considering the fact that it was his name written there. He'd been bored, and while Rory had sat back and listened to music, smoking a cigarette she'd gotten from his jacket pocket, he'd written his name down on the wood in rough letters. She gone beside him and written hers as well, that was when they'd decided to make all the walls into a continuing mural. That hadn't exactly happened, but they did cover one wall. Various things, like 'Class of 2003', game scores, friend's names, and song lyrics and bands names were written there, along with several feet of pictures.  
  
"Just something I did a while back." she looked at Tristan, silently telling him not to say a word.   
  
"Oh. I'll have to check it out later."  
  
"Yeah. Are we ready to go?" she asked.  
  
"I'm ready." Tristan said.  
  
"Me too." Summer added.  
  
"Why not?" Austin stood up, leading the way out. He climbed down, followed by Summer.  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
Do you remember   
  
The way we used to melt   
  
Do you remember how it felt  
  
When I touched you  
  
Cause I remember very well  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
But before Rory could get on the ladder, Tristan grabbed her arm, "A while back? Rory, three months is not a while back."  
  
"I'm aware of that. But I'm not planning on telling Austin anything about that."  
  
"Right. Oh by the way, you left something in my car."  
  
"What?"  
  
"A CD, and I was this close to telling Austin it was yours." he held his fingers an inch apart, "But I told him it was my cousin Alicia's."  
  
"Who's that?" Rory asked, not remembering Tristan having a cousin named Alicia.  
  
"Exactly. By the way, did you know you're dating a complete idiot? Because he remembers meeting her, but last time I checked I didn't have a cousin named Alicia."  
  
"Why would you have told him it was mine?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because everyone knows we're not friends. It would have made him suspicious."  
  
They sat in silence until Tristan suddenly asked, "So, have you fucked him yet?"  
  
"What?!" they were having to whisper so the other two wouldn't hear them.  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"Tristan, you don't ask someone that!"  
  
"I just did."  
  
"Well, I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you!"  
  
"So that's a yes, then?"  
  
"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I haven't."  
  
"It won't be long, will it?"  
  
"What is wrong with you?!"  
  
"I'm just curious, because, you know, we weren't even dating, and you two are."  
  
Rory looked as if he'd slapped her in the face, "How dare you hold that against me," she whispered, "you had just as much to do with that as I did."  
  
"Did I at any point say that I didn't?"  
  
"Why are you making such a big deal about this? Because you're pissed that you're not getting laid? It's not like we had feelings for eachother anyway!"  
  
"You're a damn good liar Rory, say it again!" he hissed acidly.   
  
She stared at him in silent shock, "What are you talking about?"  
  
He shook his head, "You're smart, Rory. Figure it out."  
  
"That is not fair! You can't just say that Tristan, not after everything we went through!"  
  
"Life isn't fair, Rory. Everyone gets burned."  
  
She looked away, "Are you saying you had feelings for me?"  
  
"Are you saying you didn't?"  
  
"Feelings weren't supposed to be involved."  
  
"Well somewhere along the way they were."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Are you seriously asking me that?"  
  
"Obviously."  
  
He was silent for a moment before shaking his head, "You know, I actually think I might have loved you." she was silent, "Rory? What do you have to say to shoot that down, huh?"  
  
"Don't even go there." she whispered. "Please don't start."  
  
"You've been different lately, you haven't been yourself."  
  
"And since when do you know me so well?" she challenged.  
  
"You know, contrary to popular belief, I do feel, and I don't just use people for pleasure."  
  
"You don't?" she asked in mocking disbelief.  
  
"It wasn't all about the sex, Rory. You know that." he whispered so quietly that she wasn't sure she heard him.  
  
"No, I didn't know that."  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
And how long has it been  
  
Since someone let you in  
  
Has given you what I gave to you  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
"I mean, what do you really know about Austin?"  
  
"Not a lot, but that's what I like about him. The fact that I don't know him."  
  
"Be serious, Rory. You're scared, and that's why you're still with him. Because you know that he doesn't tempt you. You play with fire but you can't handle getting burnt."  
  
"Tristan, don't even talk to me about not taking risks. My god, I lost my fucking virginity to you! And don't tell me that it doesn't count as a risk. I always wanted to wait until I fell in love and really knew a person. Do you have any idea how betrayed I felt when I saw you making out with Francie that Monday?!"  
  
"Well we obviously never had feelings or a commitment to eachother, so why were you hurt?"  
  
She shook her head, "I still don't know."  
  
"Well I do. You have feelings for me, but you can't admit it, so you tried to cover them up by the casual sex, but it didn't work, and now you don't know what to do, so you're running away."  
  
"No, Tristan, I never did and still don't have feelings for you. If I did, then why would I have said yes to Austin?"  
  
"Well if you didn't have any feelings for me then why did you ask if it was okay with me?" he shot back.  
  
Rory was taken aback, "Tristan, I don't know what I feel-"  
  
He cut her off, "Well maybe you should figure out how you feel before you turn into a psycho bitch on me."  
  
"Don't be such an ass, Tristan! This is a lot to spring on a person all at once."  
  
"Well you're a strong person, you can handle it."   
  
She glared at him until Austin's voice broke through to her brain, "What the hell's taking so long?" he called up.  
  
"My earring fell out, it's hard to find in the dark." Rory answered.  
  
"Do you see it?"  
  
"Yeah. We got it." she shot another rueful glare at Tristan before climbing down. He shook his head, breathing deeply before he followed her down.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
And at night when you sleep  
  
Do you dream I would be there  
  
For just a minute of two  
  
Do you?  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
Summer and Austin's houses were on the way to Rory's, and even though he was reluctant to leave Tristan alone with Rory, Austin agreed to being dropped off after Summer.  
  
The radio was the only sound as the two of them drove through the silent streets of Hartford. Tristan was keeping his eyes glued to the road, knuckles white on the steering wheel. Rory was pushed as far away from him as she could get, knowing perfectly well that such close proximity with Tristan Dugrey was dangerous. She was looking out the window, trying to focus on something other than the scent of him. The thing that had brought her comfort on so many cold nights. No. She scolded herself. Tristan never brought her comfort, only pain. At least, that's what she'd been trying to convince herself for two weeks. Needless to say, it hadn't worked. She opened his glove compartment and pulled out a cigarette, lighting two; one for herself, and she handed the other to Tristan. He took it and cracked his window, nodding as a way of thanks. Even if he'd tried to talk, she wouldn't have heard him over the music.  
  
It was actually strange, they'd never had an actual relationship. According to Rory, they'd never had feelings for eachother. At school, everyone thought they never talked. Yet, she knew where everything was in his room and car, she left things in his room and car, and it was the same with him. He couldn't count how many times he'd looked for a certain shirt or cd, only to remember he'd left it in her room, or car.  
  
They pulled into her driveway and he flicked the butt out his window, she did the same. He shut off the radio and sat still for a moment before turning to her, "So..." he trailed off, "Where do we go from here?"  
  
She shrugged, "Couldn't tell you."  
  
"You could try." he pleaded.  
  
She turned to face him, biting her lip, "Tristan..." she looked down, collecting her thoughts before turning back up, "Tristan, you're, you're definitely a part of me. You were my first and I'll always remember that. But, you have to understand, we can't be together. I mean, sure, I've known you my whole life, but I don't really know you. At all. And I guess, on some level, I do have feelings for you, but I can't tell you exactly what they are. And I just-" she stopped, swallowing the lump in her throat, "I need time. And I'm going to ask you not to try to make a move on me until I'm sure of what I am."  
  
He looked straight in her eyes, and she saw complete honesty in his next words, "And I'm going to have to tell you that I can't promise that." he whispered in the same tone, not mockingly, but honestly.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
You ain't ever coming back to me  
  
That's not how things were supposed to be  
  
You take my hand just to give it back  
  
No other lover has ever done that  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "Do you have any idea how long I've tried to hate you?" she whispered.  
  
"I could guess."  
  
"Almost four months. From the time this all started, I tried to hate you, but I couldn't. Why? Why couldn't I just let you go? And now, instead of hating you, I've become more like you. You see this?" she pointed to the cigarette carton, "I didn't smoke before this started. I didn't listen to this music, or even consider the fact that I might have a friend with benefits. You've completely changed me. And you know what? I hate it. I hate it with every fiber of my being. But I can't hate you. My god, Tristan, I've become more of you than I used to be of myself. And you know what? I like who you make me. I like how different I am when I'm with you. I have to be a perfect princess of Chilton. And I have to be the perfect daughter. And I have to be the perfect girlfriend. But when I'm with you, I'm not perfect. And I'm not wearing a mask. Not even Summer or Paris or Louise have seen sides of me that you have. And while I feel safer with you than anyone else, I also feel in complete danger with you, because you're one of the only people who can hurt me. And I hate that. I hate how you make me feel vulnerable. I hate how you are the only person who has ever seen me, you're the only one who knows who I really am. And I actually like it that way. I hate it. But I don't hate you."   
  
She didn't stop for long. Only to take a deep breath and continue her rant. "And you know what I love? I love the way you make me feel. And I love the way you know exactly what kind of day I've had so you know exactly what to do. And I love the way you hold back, but you give me your all. And I love that only one person knows me like that. But I don't love you. I can't love you."  
  
He looked out his window, nodding, his eyes cold. "I don't know why you're making it into such a big deal. I thought it meant nothing to you."  
  
"Tristan-"  
  
He turned to her, "No, Rory. No. I didn't have a girlfriend. That's not what you were. And I don't want you putting guilt on me or saying that you can't love me or hate me no matter how hard you try. Because there is a fucking thin line between the two. And you can't love someone without hating them. But you don't love me, and I don't love you. I didn't have a girlfriend. Not even close. Because, see, if I'd wanted you to bitch and scream and control me then I would have asked you out, but I didn't. I don't answer to anyone. Anyone except for you. You were the one person who I would have listened to. But it doesn't matter anymore. I don't care anymore."  
  
Rory stared at him in shocked silence before nodding, "Um, o-okay. I'm gonna go now." she pushed open the door and stepped out, walking quickly to the door. Once she was safely inside, she turned around to look through the window, only to see him pulling away. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes.  
  
---------------------------------------------   
  
Heartache  
  
Heartache  
  
I just have so much  
  
There is nothing you can say or do  
  
I called to let you know   
  
I'm through with you  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
A/N: I don't own 'Through With You' by Maroon 5 


	5. Somewhere In Between

A/N: I don't own 'Somewhere In Between' by Lifehouse.  
  
_________________________________________  
  
I can't be losing sleep over this  
  
No, I can't, and I cannot stop pacing  
  
Give me a few hours and I'll have all sorted out   
  
If my mind would just stop racing  
  
_________________________________________  
  
Austin slid his hand up Rory's side, taking the hem of her shirt with it. His lips trailed down her neck before taking her lips once more, but she turned her head, pulling away from him. He looked surprised, but pulled back as well, "What?"  
  
She shook her head, "I dunno." she bit her lip, "This is wrong."  
  
"What?" he asked, a little too sharply.  
  
"I can't do this." she was talking more to herself than him, not looking up.  
  
"Can't do what?"  
  
She climbed off his bed, pulling her shirt back on, "I-I can't. I have to go."   
  
"Rory wait."  
  
"I'm sorry." she turned, leaving his room.  
  
"Rory!" but she was gone, a few seconds later he heard her car start and saw her leave the driveway. He yelled in aggravation and threw his pillow against the wall, picking up the phone and dialing Tristan.  
  
Rory took a deep breath, staring at her reflection in the rest room mirror at the gas station. She couldn't handle this. She was going insane. Austin...he was driving her crazy. He was sweet. Too sweet. He was a gentleman. Too much of a gentleman. He was gentle, and she hated to say it...too gentle.   
  
Tristan was none of those things. He went through life, always in the right. Doing whatever he wanted and making no apologies. He could be sweet, but rarely. She'd only ever seen him be a gentleman in front of his parents. And the only time she could ever recall him being sweet was at that party, the first night they slept together. It had been her first time, and when he saw how much it hurt her, he realized she was a virgin. She'd never seen him ever be that gentle and sweet, the only time she'd ever seen him apologize either.  
  
She splashed water on her face and wiped it off, Tristan had hit a nerve, he'd called her on changing for the past few weeks. He always hit a nerve. He just knew her that well. In Austin's room he'd been the only thing on her mind.   
  
She left that station, glancing at the clock. 9:00. She should get home, but something inside her forced her to turn down a different road...Tristan's road.  
  
______________________________________  
  
I cannot stand still  
  
I can't be this unsturdy  
  
This cannot be happening  
  
This is over my head   
  
But underneath my feet  
  
Cause by tomorrow morning   
  
I'll have this thing beat  
  
And everything will be back to the way it was  
  
I wish that it was just that easy  
  
_______________________________________  
  
TRISTAN/AUSTIN CONVO  
  
T: Hello?  
  
A: How well do you know Rory?  
  
T: Austin?  
  
A: How well do you know Rory?  
  
T: Not very. Why?  
  
A: Haven't you known her your whole life?  
  
T: So have you.  
  
A: Aren't your parents best friends?  
  
T: I guess. But what does that have to do with anything?  
  
A: She just stormed out on me.  
  
T: Really? What were you doing?  
  
A: Uh...  
  
T: Come on. You can tell me.  
  
Austin could tell he was smiling: We were making out on my bed and she just got up and left.  
  
T: She just left?  
  
A: Yeah. She started freaking out and was talking about how it was wrong and everything.  
  
T: That really doesn't sound like Rory.  
  
A: I thought you didn't know her very well.  
  
T: I mean, she's not one of my friends or anything, but I have known her for forever. And she's a pretty laid back person. I didn't think she ever really freaked out.  
  
A: She doesn't. At least she never has before.  
  
T: I don't know. Can't help you man. Sorry.  
  
A: It's aight. I just didn't know how well you knew her.  
  
T: Sorry.  
  
A: So, how's it going with Summer?  
  
There was a knock at Tristan's window. He narrowed his eyes, walking towards his balcony.  
  
T: Good, but hey can I talk to you later? I have to go.  
  
A: Sure, sorry about the whole Rory thing.  
  
Tristan stood up straight suddenly, thinking Austin might have found something out: What?  
  
A: Bothering you with calling. I knew you didn't know her that well. I'm not sure why I called.  
  
Tristan relaxed as there was another knock: No worries. But I really have to go. So I'll see you later.  
  
A: Bye.  
  
_________________________________  
  
I am waiting for tonight   
  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
  
And I am somewhere in between   
  
What is real and just a dream  
  
__________________________________   
  
Tristan hung up the phone and opened the balcony door, not sure what he'd find, but was surprised to see her. "Rory?" was all he could get out before she wrapped her arms around him neck and pulled him down, crashing her lips to his. He was surprised, but recovered, pulling away, "what are you doing?" he asked, breathless.  
  
"Are you complaining?"  
  
He looked her up and down, "No."  
  
"So don't act like it." she pulled him back down, but after only a moment he pulled away again.  
  
"You're with Austin."  
  
"Right now I'm with you." she whispered, out of breath as well.  
  
"Do you have any idea how much you're playing with fire?"  
  
"You're the one who taught me how."  
  
He smirked and kissed her again, pulling her in his room and closing the door.   
  
______________________________  
  
Would you catch me   
  
If I fall out of what I fell in  
  
Don't be surprised if I collapse  
  
At your feet again  
  
______________________________  
  
Rory closed her car door, looking at the clock. 11:00. She swallowed the lump in her throat, she'd just cheated on Austin. That was great. Note the sarcasm. What was it about Tristan that she could never stay away? What did he posses that was so different from every other guy on the planet? Why did she have to love him? All good questions, unfortunately, no good answers. She sighed, starting the car and pulling out of his driveway.  
  
MONDAY, CHILTON  
  
Tristan walked up to Rory's locker, "Hey." he leaned against the locker next to hers.  
  
"Hey." she looked up briefly before giving her attention back to her locker.  
  
"So," he whispered, leaning closer, "You run away from Austin and come to me?"  
  
She grinned, not looking up, "Maybe."  
  
"I like."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"What is it you don't like about Austin?"  
  
"What's with all the questions, Dugrey?"  
  
"What's with the mood change, Hayden?"  
  
She smiled, looking up at him, "I've decided that life is for having fun. What's the point of being uptight and worrying about getting caught?"  
  
He smirked, "Nice thinking."  
  
"It is, isn't it?" she closed her locker, "See you later, Dugrey." and with a swish of her skirt she was gone. He narrowed his eyes, staring at the place where her back had vanished, a small smirk in place, this was about to get very interesting.  
  
________________________________  
  
I don't want to run away from this  
  
I know that I just don't need this  
  
________________________________  
  
Tristan laid in bed, it was two o'clock in the morning, he should have been asleep, not staring at the blank ceiling. This wasn't right. Austin was his friend, he couldn't go behind his back like this. And what about Summer? She was Rory's best friend. What was she thinking? There was no way they'd get away with this one. He didn't need this, but he couldn't just walk away. He couldn't bring himself to. He'd tried, but it was impossible. He didn't love her. He couldn't love her. She was just an outlet to vent his emotions, and he was the same to her. She meant way too much to him, it wasn't normal. They were getting way too involved. He rolled over, the pillow still smelt like her from that weekend.  
  
And no matter how many times he'd had her, he wanted more. No matter what happened between them, there was always that nagging thought at the back of his mind that she might be doing the exact same thing with Austin the next day. But she didn't belong to Austin, she never would. But she'd never belong to him, either. She'd never belong to anyone. She had too much of Lorelai in her. She'd never let a man claim her, that he knew for sure. He'd figure out a way though, he wanted her so badly, but she would never giver herself up.   
  
------------------------------------------  
  
Rory looked up at the stars, flicking the ashes off the end of her cigarette. Tristan was horrible. She hated him, she really did. What the hell was she thinking? They couldn't keep doing this. She was so scared when she was with him. She really was. It's not that she was actually scared of him as a person. She was scared of everything he stood for. Her lies, her pain, her mistakes, her bad habits. He was the walking proof that she was horrible friend, and an even worse girlfriend. She'd betrayed her best friend, and cheated on her boyfriend. Not only had she cheated on him, but she'd run away from him and into the arms of his best friend. Tristan. Everything led back to Tristan. Everything.  
  
Why hadn't he ever asked her out? Why hadn't he just told her how he felt? Why hadn't she told him? Couldn't he see that she'd wanted the same thing as him? Or did he really want that? She was sure he did. Of course he did. He said he might have loved her. So why was it just casual sex? That wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what he wanted either, she knew that much.  
  
She'd tried to get over him. Hell, she'd almost slept with Austin to try to beat the thought of Tristan, but like everything else, all that did was make her realize just how much she wanted him. She didn't need this, the thought of him in her mind constantly, she had to figure out a way to end it, to stop herself, but nothing worked. Nothing ever did.   
  
___________________________   
  
Cause I cannot stand still  
  
I can't be this unsturdy  
  
This cannot be happening  
  
Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
  
Then waiting foe tomorrow  
  
And I'm somewhere in between   
  
What is real and just a dream  
  
___________________________ 


	6. Great Romances Of The 20th Century

A/N: I don't own the song. It's **_'Great Romances Of The 20th Century' by Taking Back Sunday.  
_**  
Rory took a deep breath, following her mother down the stairs of the country club. She stopped half way down, and Lorelai turned, "What's wrong?"  
  
Rory shook her head, "I don't want to go."  
  
Lorelai shrugged, "Babe, no one WANTS to go to these things. It's a duty."  
  
"For us too? I mean, we give to all of these charities and even though we don't participate in any of these bake sales-"  
  
"I know, but we still have to go. I'm sorry, sweetie, but Austin will be there, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And Summer and Paris."  
  
Rory grimaced, "Yeah..."  
  
"Not going well with them?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, sorry, it's fine, it's just, I don't know.....different now that we're older."  
  
Lorelai nodded sadly, "I know, I'm sorry."  
  
Rory shook her head, "We should go."  
  
"Sore subject?"  
  
She shrugged, lacing arms with her mother, "Let's go." they made their way down the stairs and into an elegant ball room, already filled with people. Rory was wearing a dark blue spaghetti strap dress, it was tight down to her hips and then flared out, flowing to her mid-calf in a few layers, so that when she twirled, it fanned out. She had on silver jewelry and heels, but they were easy to move in, and her lightly curled hair was pushed over her shoulders from the soft breeze coming out of the ballroom. They entered in what Lorelai liked to call 'A dramatic, fashionably late entrance' when they came in, people stopped and looked, not expecting anyone else to show up. After a few moments, people returned to their conversations, a few of the men and teenage boys looking back up. Chris came up the stairs and escorted his wife down, he'd had to come straight from work, so he hadn't been able to come with them.   
  
Rory walked easily down the stairs, not needing an escort like was expected. But when she looked around the room, she noticed Austin's eyes on her.....and Tristan's. She swallowed the lump in her throat and continued down, not looking at either. When she got to the bottom, Austin met her, kissing her cheek lightly. But she knew that Tristan had lost her in the crowd.   
  
**_September never stays this cold   
  
Where I come from, and you know  
  
I'm not one for complaining  
  
But I love the way you roll   
  
Excuses off the tip of your tongue  
  
As I slowly fall apart  
_**  
Her boyfriend smiled at her, "Hey." he said quietly.  
  
She smiled at him, "Hey."  
  
"I was just talking to Summer and Tristan."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, they said to come get you and go back over there."  
  
She nodded, smiling, "Let's go."   
  
Austin led her back to their friends, and she smiled at Summer, "Hey." she hugged her friend, and nodded to the boy beside her, "Hey Tristan."  
  
He smirked, "Hey."  
  
"So, how long have you been here?"  
  
"About half an hour." Summer said, both boys nodded in agreement.  
  
"Why were you so late?" Tristan asked.  
  
Rory grinned, "We had to change. My mom was drinking coffee and had to change because she spilled it on her dress. So she made me change too, because I have to go through whatever pain she has to go through."  
  
Summer grinned, "I love your mom."  
  
She smiled, "I'm glad YOU do. She gets kind of insane, but you know that." she turned, catching sight of long blonde hair, "Paris!"  
  
The girl turned, smiling, "Hey." she walked over, Summer frowning.   
  
Rory shot her a death glare and turned back to Paris, "Hey. Where's Jamie?"  
  
Paris nodded towards the other side of the room, "He has to talk to his father's associates for a little while. He said he'd be back in a minute." she looked at the other people standing with them, and smiled, "Hey Tristan. Hey Austin......hey Summer." she said with less warmness.  
  
"Hey Paris." Austin said, smiling. They were acquaintances, but not very close.  
  
"Hey girl." Tristan said, hugging her. Unlike Austin, he'd always been friends with her.  
  
Paris returned the hug warmly, "Hey." Summer rolled her eyes, looking away.  
  
They talked for ten more minutes until Jamie came up, wrapping his arm around Paris's waist, "I swear I'm going to be a janitor just to piss off my dad."  
  
Tristan laughed, "Good career choice."  
  
"Thanks." Jamie grinned.  
  
**_I said this won't mean a thing come tomorrow  
  
And that's exactly how I'll make it seem  
  
Cause I'm still not sleeping  
  
Thinking I've crawled home from worse than this  
_**  
TWO HOURS LATER  
  
Rory was sitting down, the music annoying her. All it was, was old slow songs. Dinner had ended half an hour ago, and Austin was sitting beside her, staring into space. Emily walked up, "Rory, darling, come with me." she said, taking her granddaughter's hand and pulling her up.  
  
"I'll be right back." she said to Austin.  
  
"You looked extremely bored." her grandmother said once they were out of earshot of Austin, "I decided to come save you."  
  
Rory smiled, "Thank you." it wasn't that she didn't like Austin, of course she....liked him. But he was so boring sometimes. Emily led her to a group of older people.   
  
They sat and talked for five minutes until Tristan walked up to Janlen. The older man shook his hand, and then he kissed his grandmother's cheek, hugging her. "Hello Tristan." Rory's grandmother said, smiling. She'd always liked him.  
  
He smiled, kissing her hand lightly, "Hello Emily."  
  
**_So please, please  
  
I'm running out of sympathy  
  
I never said I'd take this  
  
I never said I'd take this lying down  
_**  
The older woman's eyes darted toward her granddaughter next to her, silently pointing her out to Tristan. His smile turned into a grin, "Rory." he greeted again, this time his lips lingering over her hand since her boyfriend wasn't there. A new song came over the speakers, it was, to Rory's immense surprise, Salsa, and Richard showed up, escorting his wife to the floor. Tristan's grandparents disappeared as well, leaving them alone. They stood in silence for a moment until Tristan asked, "So, do you want to dance?"  
  
Rory smiled, "Let's get it over with." she took his outstretched hand and he escorted her onto the floor. He rested one hand on her waist and took one of her hands in his own while Rory placed her hand on his shoulder. They began to move with the music.   
  
**_She says Come on, come on  
  
Let's just get this over with   
  
She says Come on, come on  
  
Let's just get this over with  
_**  
"So, how's your evening been?" Tristan asked.  
  
Rory shrugged, "These things always suck," she spun around, "So, normal." she finished, coming back into his arms.  
  
"Is it the actual gathering, or the company you're keeping?" he asked.  
  
She laughed lightly, shaking her head, "You're such a bad friend."  
  
"But I'm a great fuc-"  
  
"Don't finish that sentence." Rory said, laughing. He grinned, looking down at her. Rory wanted to speak, but the way Tristan was holding her eyes, she couldn't. He'd suddenly gone from playful to serious. He focused completely on the dance. He was an amazing dancer, she'd give him that. Most of the people on the floor were from their age to her parents age, few older couples were dancing. The way some of the women's dressed, including hers, moved as they danced, and the way the men moved, reminded her of the second Dirty Dancing, but a very toned down version. No one wanted to give anybody a stroke. She finally found her voice, "What?" was asked nervously, wondering why he was staring at her like that.  
  
**_I never said I'd take this lying down  
  
I've crawled home from worse than this  
  
From worse than this_**  
  
He leaned down, his lips inches from hers, "I really want to kiss you." he ground his lower body to hers, incorporating it with the music so it looked natural, and he moved closer, "And I'm finding it hard not to." he whispered, his hand sliding down to her hip.  
  
Her eyes widened and she looked down, "Tristan, don't do this." she whispered.  
  
"Don't do what?" constantly moving around the floor, they'd ended up across the room from where they'd started.  
  
"Make it hard for me to say no." she said quietly, looking up at him.  
  
**_You always come close   
  
But you never come easy  
  
You always come close   
  
But this never comes easy  
_**  
He smiled lightly, twirling her out and bringing her back in, even closer with his hand still wrapped his hers, his arm around her entire body, "So don't." he said, looking her up and down as he twirled her out again, pulling her back into the right dancing position, and they moved closely, sliding their bodies together to the music. The song ended and everyone clapped, bringing Rory back to reality, as well as Tristan. She spun around, suddenly realizing that only six couples were on the entire floor, everyone had cleared out to the sides to watch the more talented dancers.  
  
Rory turned to Tristan, breathless, to see him looking around at all the people, he hadn't realized what was happening either. He looked down at her and shrugged, the corners of his mouth tugging slightly as he kissed her hand. She smiled, kissing his cheek, "Thanks for the dance." she whispered before he took her hand in his and led her off the floor.   
  
A new song started and people once again entered the dance floor. Rory laughed lightly, "Wow."  
  
"Yeah." Tristan said, they were the only teenage couple that had been left on the floor. The other five had probably been about twenty three to thirty five.   
  
"When did everyone start to leave?" she asked.  
  
He grinned, leading her out onto one of the secluded balconies for cool air since they were heated up from dancing, "You think I was focusing on anything other than you?"  
  
Rory grinned, adrenaline pumping. She opened her mouth to reply, but they were interrupted when someone showed up beside them, obviously very angry, "What the HELL was THAT?!" Austin yelled, causing a few people to look at them.  
  
"SHH! Austin, keep your voice down!" Rory said, hushed.  
  
"Keep my voice down? Keep my voice down?!" he asked, although he was quieter. "What the fuck were you two just doing?"  
  
"Dancing." Tristan said in a tone that suggested Austin was stupid.  
  
"No. That was not dancing. You were mauling each other!"  
  
"Austin, calm down!" Rory said loudly.  
  
"NO. Shut up Rory, you were fucking throwing yourself at him! Did it kind of slip your mind that you have a boyfriend, and it's not him?"  
  
"Austin, man, chill!" Tristan said loudly.  
  
"Chill? You want me to chill? How the hell can I chill when my best friend and my fucking girlfriend are practically grinding in the middle of a crowded country club?!"  
  
"Austin, stop!" Rory yelled, "We were just dancing. You act like we stripped down and had wild sex in front or everyone!" she stopped, both boys surprised.  
  
He shook his head, "Rory, I don't get you. He practically mauled you. I've never tried anything that sexual, and you've run away from me for less than that little dance."  
  
"Exactly. That dance. That's all it was. A dance."   
  
"No. No, you," he looked at Tristan, "You did something to her. Something-"  
  
"Austin, it's me, your best friend of five years. I wouldn't do anything to your girl." Tristan said, and Rory could tell it was painful for him to say the last part.  
  
He looked at his friend, trying to find something in his face that could say he was lying. But he looked completely honest. Austin shook his head, "Then what was that?"  
  
"A dance. Our grandparents were talking, but they all left, so we started dancing. It was completely innocent." Tristan told him, "Rory is my friend. I would never do anything like that to her. She's yours. I have Summer."  
  
Austin looked between them, slowly calming down. He looked down, defeated, "I know. Sorry man."  
  
"No problem." Tristan said, obviously relieved.  
  
"Sorry baby." Austin hugged Rory, and she looked at Tristan sadly over his shoulder.  
  
"It's alright." she said, pulling away from him.  
  
**_You always come close   
  
But this never comes easy  
  
I still know everything  
  
You always come so close_**  
  
"Great dancing." Summer spat viciously, entering the balcony.  
  
Rory sighed and Tristan rolled his eyes. "It was nothing."  
  
"Right. You're my boyfriend and Rory, I thought you were my best friend, but I guess I was wrong-"  
  
"Summer, what are you talking about?" Rory cut her off, "It was a dance. That's all. I mean my God, it's not like we made out or anything. It was a dance. It's something friends do."  
  
"I thought you two weren't friends." Summer said pointedly, narrowing her eyes.  
  
Tristan shook his head, "We weren't, but then I started dating you and she started dating Austin and suddenly the four of us were always together."  
  
Rory nodded, "Yes. So we just figured that there was no point in not talking to each other, so we're just forming a friendship."  
  
"Like hell you are. That wasn't a very friendly dance."  
  
Rory shook her head, "Summer, we're best friends. Do you honestly think that I'd ever fuck around with your boyfriend?"  
  
"I didn't think you would, but now I'm not so sure."  
  
"Whoa, Summer, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions. I mean, me and Rory would never do anything like that to you or Austin."  
  
"Oh really? Because I'm not so sure." she shot at both of them.  
  
Rory shook her head, "I can't believe you."   
  
"I can't believe you." Summer replied.  
  
"You're letting a guy come between seven years as friends? A guy that nothing even happened with."  
  
"Right. We'll just see if nothing ever happened with him."  
  
Rory shook her head, and Tristan could tell that she was fighting back tears. They'd never thought about how this would tear apart her friendship with Summer. "Whatever, Summer. If you don't trust me or Tristan then I don't know why we're even here. So, I'm gonna go inside, because we're just wasting time." she said, her voice cracking, and she walked briskly off of the balcony, back into the country club.   
  
**_I never said I'd take this lying down  
  
Well I never said I'd take this lying down  
  
But I've crawled home from worse than this  
_**  
Tristan's jaw clenched as he watched her walk away, and he knew she was crying. He turned to look at Summer who was watching Rory walk away, her face emotionless. Where the hell did she get off making Rory cry like that. They were supposed to be best friends. She looked over at him, biting her lip.   
  
Tristan, just looked down at her, hating her for a moment, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he yelled, causing her eyes to widen. "Why are you even going out with me if you can't trust me with your best friend?!" he yelled. When she was silent, he continued, "I swear to God Summer, you are seriously fucked up if you think that Rory or I would ever do something to hurt you." he threw his hands in the air, "I mean, shit, you just made her cry! Does that make you feel better?! You're my girlfriend, but I've known Rory my whole life, and we've just started to become friends, we have one meaningless dance and you think the whole world is in on a conspiracy against you, well guess what? The whole world doesn't not fucking revolve around you Summer! So get your head out of your ass and realize that you just fucked up your relationship with your best friend!"   
  
He looked over at Austin, who was watching the exchange with his mouth wide open in shock. When he saw that Tristan was looking at him, he looked at his friend with a blank expression. "Aren't you going to go after her?!" Tristan screamed at him. Austin just stood there, not answering. Tristan threw his arms in the air in frustration, "Whatever, it's over Summer. If something as stupid as this makes you question me then I don't want to be with you." and with that, he walked back into the room, presumably to look for Rory.   
  
Summer looked at Austin, both standing in silence until he blew out a long breath, "Wow." was all he could say.  
  
Summer shook her head, "He just broke up with me." she said quietly.  
  
"Yeah. He did. And I think he just ran after my girlfriend."  
  
She bit her lip, "Austin, what's going on behind our backs?"  
  
He shook his head, "I have no idea. But I really don't think that Rory would lie to me."  
  
"Don't be so sure." Summer mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What?" he asked sharply.  
  
She shook her head, "Nothing."  
  
**_If it's not keeping you up nights  
  
Then what's the point?_**


	7. You're So Last Summer

A/N: I don't own Gilmore Girls or the song _'You're So Last Summer'_ by Taking Back Sunday  
  
**She said **

**'Don't, don't let it go to your head,****  
Boys like you are a dime a dozen.' **

**She said,  
'You're a touch over rated **

**You're a lush, and I hate it.****  
But these grass stains on my knees **

**They won't mean a thing.'**  
  
**__**

**_INSIDE  
_**  
"Rory..." Tristan said, grabbing her arm as he found her in the sea of people.  
  
She turned upon hearing her name, "Tristan..." she said quietly, looking around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them, "We can't do this."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
She looked around again and whispered, "Anything. We're going to screw everything up-"  
  
He cut her off, "I broke up with Summer."  
  
"You _what_?" she hissed.  
  
"What?" he asked, unsure as to why this upset her so much.  
  
"You-they, Tristan, that will make them suspicious."  
  
"How?"  
  
"All of this will make them suspicious. We're screwed. I'm ruining my reputation. This entire thing was a mistake. I should have never gone back to your house. I-"  
  
"Rory." Tristan grabbed her by the shoulders to get her attention and to stop her babbling, "They don't know what's going on. Summer may suspect, but she's not a problem anymore. And Austin's optimistic. He doesn't know what's happening. We're okay. We'll be okay."  
  
She shook her head, closing her eyes, "I can't Tristan." she said quietly, "I can't do this anymore. We have to stop."  
  
Tristan shook his head, "So what, you want to be with Austin?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
**All I need to know **

**Is that I'm something **

**You'll be missing **

**Maybe I should hate you for this **

**I never really did ever quite get that far**  
  
"Well you might want to figure it out Rory, because I'm not going to wait for you."  
  
"I know you're not, I just-"  
  
"No, you know what? It is fine. I don't care."  
  
"Tristan-"  
  
He ignored her, "Just tell me something, Rory. If we're never together again. Will you feel like you're missing something?"  
  
"I don't know-"  
  
"I just need to know. I don't care. I know that you could never love me, but I just need to know that if I walk away that you'll feel some hurt."  
  
"Why are you asking me this?"  
  
"Because I need to know that we meant something at one time."  
  
"Tristan, there never was an us. A 'we' never happened."  
  
He shook his head, looking away, "How can you say that? I felt something between us and I know that you felt it too."  
  
"I didn't feel anything."  
  
"God damn it, Rory, I should hate you. Why can't I?! I've tried SO fucking hard, but I just can't make myself hate you. I am not a fucking spot on your perfect white life. I'm not just another bump in the road that you can plow over!" they'd somehow ended up in a secluded corner.  
  
"I never said you were!" he could hear the hurt in her voice.  
  
**Maybe I should hate you for this **

**Never really did ever quite get that far **

**I'd never lie to you **

**Unless I had to **

**I'll do what I got to  
**  
"No, you didn't, but you didn't have to. Austin is who you really want? That's fine. Lie to yourself, make yourself believe that. But if it's true, then why the hell won't you give out to him? Why the fuck will you come to me in a heart beat, but you run away from your BOYFRIEND?"  
  
"I don't know!" she confessed, "I can't figure out what the hell I'm thinking, but God, Tristan, I went to you once. Don't let it go to your head."  
  
"You came to me once? You came to once? Learn to do math, Rory. How many fucking times have you come to my house in the middle of the night? How many fucking times have you told me that you don't know how you feel about me?"  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"Yeah, what the hell does that tell you? Too many to count!"  
  
"What are you getting to, Tristan?"  
  
"You want me. Admit it. If you don't then fine. If you don't want me after all the shit that we went through, then fuck you. Fuck you, Rory."  
  
Her eyes widened, he'd never said anything like that to her.....ever. "Fine. I'm not dealing with you when you're acting like a child Tristan. I'll talk to you when you grow up." she said, striding away angrily.  
  
**The truth **

**Is you could slit my throat **

**And with my one last gasping breath **

**I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt **

**And all I need to know **

**Is that I'm something **

**You'll be missing**  
  
Tristan shook his head, this was pathetic. He was pathetic. Even when she ripped his balls out and shoved them back down his throat. Even when she told him straight up that he was less than shit to her....he still laid down like a puppy for her. She could fucking tear his heart out and as he died, he'd ask her forgiveness for ruining her skirt. Well he was done. Fucking dome with Lorelai Leigh Hayden and her fucking mood swings.  
  
He was less than shit to her? Well then what was it to her if he just disappeared from her life? She thought she'd be able to find someone better? Let her try. It was all wishful thinking, so he was done. He'd never again have to hear about how he'd failed her. She'd never drop his name in a conversation again.  
  
**Maybe I should hate you for this **

**Never really did ever quite get that far **

**Maybe I should hate you for this **

**Never really did ever quite get that**  
  
He was pathetic. Fucking pathetic. And she was a liar. He'd messed up her life? Let her try to pin her mistakes on him. It takes two. It wasn't just him and his hands those nights she came crawling to him. If he was a mistake then she was a liar. She knew just as well as he did that she didn't regret being with him. She regretted getting caught.  
  
**Cause I'm a wishful thinker **

**With the worst intentions **

**And this will be the last chance **

**You'll get to drop my name**  
  
It didn't matter. He didn't need her. He'd be just fine without her. He could easily find someone else. Yeah right. Now who's the liar? But no, he really would be okay, just as long as he knew that she'd miss him, he'd be fine......really. Yeah right.  
  
**If I'm just bad news **

**Then you're a liar **

**If I'm just bad news **

**Then you're a liar **

**Maybe I should hate you for this **

**She said.....**

****

_A/N: So sorry that this chapter was just kind of a filler. The next one will be longer and involve more, I promise._


End file.
